Sense of Self - Healthy or Unhealthy?

A healthy, quiet ego, is a sense of self that's more like a verb than a noun, and is necessary in order to function effectively in daily life. A noisy ego, on the other hand, is problematic for both the individual and all those with whom s/he interacts.

Leary MR, Guadagno J. "The role of hypo-egoic self-processes in optimal functioning and subjective well-being." in: Sheldon KM, Kashdan TB, Steger MF. eds. "Designing positive psychology: Taking stock and moving forward." Oxford University Press, NY, 2011. Wayment HA, Bauer JJ eds. “Transcending Self-Interest: Psychological Explorations of the Quiet Ego.” American Psychological Association, Washington DC, 2008.

“… the ego is something easily misunderstood … Egotism and individuality are not the same.

… from a Buddhist perspective the central problem with the ego is ego-grasping: the clinging to a sense of self as solid and self-existing. It is ego-grasping that leads to unhealthy self-preoccupation and all of the emotional reactions that evolve from it. The need for a stable focus of identity does require an established sense of ‘I,’ an ego; it does not imply, however, that we contract around this in a narrow, limiting, and emotionally defensive way, as with ego-grasping. If we recognize this distinction, then we can cut through the unhealthy aspect of the ego without having to get rid of the necessary aspect of a relatively stable sense of identity. An individual in our culture needs, perhaps more than in Eastern cultures, to retain this stable individual identity without the underlying grasping at a self as true, solid, and permanent.

When we can see through the ego-grasping that is at the heart of so much of the individualism in our culture, it does not mean we will no longer seek individual expression for who we are. Ego-grasping is a deeply rooted disposition to contract and solidify our identity around a wounded sense of self. To free this contraction does not destroy the presence of a notion of self-identity. When we see that the ego is empty of substance, we open to a more spacious, permeable sense of self. This creates a greater awareness of our fluidity and lack of permanence. It can mean we are more open, generous at heart, and less attached to who we are. Because we are no longer so contracted and self-preoccupied, we suffer less.”

Rob Preece. "The Wisdom of Imperfection. The Challenge of Individuation in Buddhist Life." Snow Lion Publications, Ithaca NY, 2006.