"Grasping" vs Integrating Ideas

There's a hugely underestimated gap between knowing something intellectually, vs so thoroughly integrating this knowledge into the core of one's being as to make this the new, natural, default behavior pattern, the old one merely a memory. So how can we "close the gap", this chasm, between an idea in our head vs integrated embodiment "within the marrow of our bones"?

Even at an intellectual level, there are varying depths of knowing. If we memorize something - say a quote - just to regurgitate it on a test the next day, we're more or less intentionally keeping the material "on the surface" of our brain - to be quickly learned & just as quickly forgotten. There's no intention whatsoever to bring this material into our life, in fact the opposite - we erect barriers (intellectual distancing), perhaps to leave room for more important or more useful information. Since this way of handling (excluding) new information is standard for most of us, we likely also do this automatically with material we "learn" in MBSR courses.

When I come across a well-written book, which clearly summarizes a master's lifetime experience in an area that deeply interests me, I want to immerse myself in this person's world by reading the book slowly & carefully, perhaps several times, sometimes making extensive notes. Though still at an intellectual level, this is an active, loving welcoming of the material into the marrow of my bones. This material will influence me deeply, and I will remember the material for many years to come and probably be able to recall & apply the knowledge when the appropriate context arises so as to benefit from it. But let's face it, most of us don't value any book sufficiently to devote 20+ hours in order to deeply assimilate its contents. In fact, most of us don't want our thinking changed - by books or anything else.

A qualitative step deeper than even the above intellectual immersion is total mind-heart-body immersion through "practice" - intentionally, repeatedly engaging with material with everything one has - the totality of one's being - in order to transform us as human beings. Longer (at least 7 day) silent meditation retreats are good examples of "practice", especially when repeated at least annually, for many years. Solid, consistent, long-term practice stabilizes and integrates learning, so that what is learned can later arise spontaneously, at the appropriate time & in the appropriate context - to change our behaviour. In order to ‘own’ our emotional brains (below) we actually need to intentionally practice and intentionally undergo transformative learning:

“Generally the rational brain can override the emotional brain, as long as our fears don’t hijack us. (For example, your fear at being flagged down by the police can turn instantly to gratitude when the cop warns you that there’s an accident ahead.) But the moment we feel trapped, enraged, or rejected, we are vulnerable to activating old maps and to follow their directions.

Change begins when we learn to ‘own’ our emotional brains. That means learning to observe and tolerate the heartbreaking and gut-wrenching sensations that register misery and humiliation. Only after learning to bear what is going on inside can we start to befriend, rather than obliterate, the emotions that keep our maps fixed and immutable.”

Bessel Van Der Kolk. “The Body Keeps the Score. Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma.” Penguin Books, 2015. PS this spectacularly-useful book will take a lot more than 20 hrs to assimilate!